Spiderwebs - Azad Right

"I can't maintain a relationship, they remind me I don't relate to shit. I love you, I'm not in love with you, but I want you in my life, so that's an issue." - Azad Right

Indie artist from California, I must admit I can give serious props to him.

The video was simple and elegant, thank you Michael Bromberg (director) your vision was right.

This is really a song people need to listen to, really check out this kid.

Spiderwebs is about love, selfish, dreams, anger and life.

When you're trying to get somewhere in life and you include other people, they often try to bring you down.

He knows money isn't everything yet he just wasn't ready for love.

I can really relate to these lyrics yet I can sit here and just say damn...

His flow is nice and I always hope he stays this clean and truthful.

Reminded me of Lupe Fiasco and Cage.

Those are the type of artist I like.

Spiderwebs is a metaphor for .......

You should fill in the blank yourself

Don't forget to check him out!





Connect with Azad Right:

https://www.facebook.com/AzadRight
http://azadright.com/
http://twitter.com/#!/AzadRight


-Ren Montez <3

This 朝

I had a bad rest last night

tossed and turned
so cold, uncomfortable.

Feeling like crap, I worked out and felt good

did the workouts I wanted to do yesterday
my knee is now hurting so I have it elevated
that actually helps too.

my mum is such a downer
has already tried to ruin my day
i also have things to do
i didn't ask anyone to cook food for me

cuz often they don't feed me anyway
since they never bother to ask if i'm hungry
they just assume I don't want jack to eat :/

Life is screwed for me right now
I don't dig this boojé

Approaching me nasty ):<
I know I'm young but that doesn't mean anything.
I have a lot to deal with on my plate.

I need a job
And it's so hard to get one because I never got a job before, I only did volunteer work, I don't know how long I'll be in town and the economy is bad.

If I was younger it would be easy for me, makes me sad and then I wanna cry T_____T
¡Ren necesito dinero también!


I'm stressed out right now and working out and sleeping are the only two things keeping me going, oh my rfs too <3 ilyg
 

-Ren Montez <3

Edit: now she's mad at me u_u (that makes me feel better) lol

Crap

Some people just have those spirits always trying to bring you down.

Mum, Sibling, Father, Aunt, Cousin, Teacher, Stranger, Enemy or so called friend aka Frienemy.


When those moments occur just try to distance yourself from it.

Today I felt a lot of that bullshit.
I don't like to say bullcrap because it makes me think about crabs, Trey Songs used to have that . (see that's why I don't like to say it)



I did a 20 minute workout and I automatically felt better, someone said something rude to me on my way to do it, I didn't like that and sure I felt a little ugh you know what cuss cuss.

But I didn't go that far, I just ran as fast as I could (you know I don't run, I only skip, hop, jump and speed walk) so I could go workout and make myself feel better.

My knee clicked half way through the workout because I was still angry at the time, yet I pushed through the pain instead of giving up, I'm so glad I did too.

I wouldn't feel as happy as I do now, I'm kinda hungry as well at the moment yet that's only natural after burning off so many calories.

Came up with some new script ideas, I won't release the titles of those works until I'm at least half way done with them (Only God knows and only time shall tell)

In the latest I've been feeling a little more than your average shade a blue.

Another typical thing amongst our youth and females. (yes for once I will admit to being a woman) There's therapy, medication, weapons and death yet I choose to use none of them.

No need to poison myself, how can another crazy person tell me I'm crazy when they started it?

Sometimes in life they over exaggerate things.
Such a shame.

I'm going to do 3 more workouts then call it a day


Hey, nobody said it was a short road to recovery

-Ren Montez <3


Edit: Nevermind I'll have to finish those workouts when I get back, someone wants me to go out with them, so I'll unpin my hair to look some what suitable.

Relationship Killers: Sure is True - It killed a few of mine

Relationship Killers: Insecurity. Trust Issues. Facebook. Twitter. Assumptions

from Mr.Popular on twitter.

He was right about that , they all killed me relationship except for Twitter.

It wasn't even coming from my side. All him, accusing me, feeling insecure, not trusting me and all over my facebook like a damn stalker.

Now I had said what was up from the jump, yet I guess that just wasn't understood. (This is when I feel like abusing the usage of the N word though I only say it when I'm really upset at some dumbfuck. Yeah a man who I told to leave me alone but just wouldn't go away.)


Nothing pisses me off than when a person tries to flip crap as if I was the one who was crazy and imagining things, I remember shit to the tee and I'm not going to pretend I'm right all the fucking time. I know when I'm wrong.

I never really talked about the communication problem that bugged me so dearly. Nobody wants to be honest and I'm not going to sit back and be stupid for you. Yet I could learn to be stable about it, I rather not.

You want to make assumptions about me when all I did was tell the truth to you and all you ever did was make excuses then fine, Fuck you.

I don't accept lies, from the start one lie will never be forgiven, White or whatever the lie, it's unacceptable because if ur lying about the small shit, just what else would you lie about, i'm pretty sure some serious shit too.

If it was all good you wouldn't have to avoid telling the truth in the first place, you wouldn't have to avoid looking me in the eye, you wouldn't have to feel guilty in your damn subconscious!


No hearts or sig on this.


This probably concludes the rest of my bitter feelings, now I wish there were more days where, I could see a good side of males, yet those were rare to begin with. Such a Shame

sigh Just one of those

Today seemed really cruddy :/

Started with two nightmares, one of a person I had no interest in and had no interest in me but i messed with them anyway. The were all over me for once, freaked me out cuz in reality that's all i never WANTED or needed....

the next was an ex what the horror -shivers in fear-

guess my fears are different, i prefer the right guy at the right time (almost said tight time)

People have been really iffy lately, all making me want to raise my eyebrow like this o_Ô (international keyboard ftw)

THANK GOODNESS someone dropped something waking me up out of those awful nightmares, i ended up in the bathroom sick though...

i don't like when the past crosses my mind
today i'm finally going to workout

Today really had that crappy vibe , it was agreed upon with my friend, yep crap day o_o

On another note where the heck is Rae?
Where on earth is Rachel Cohnagan rachel cohanagan >.> missed spelled your names lol
(on purpose!)


-Ren Montez <3

Today was a good day :D

Today was partily cloudy with a bit of rain (has already started this out with a lie) lol

Ok xD so it rained heck of hard, drove mi papá al doctor. There I practiced in the parking lot, by myself (because I'm a big girl ;D ) K-turn, parking in a parking lot >_>
so many violators D: they do it just because they think nobody's watching.
One of them tried to hit me ¬¬

I was nervous about the road test, i kept effing up while backing up lol.
I'm pretty darn sure I scared everyone in the car xD
But the main problem is I needed to adjust my sheet back -_- but I was afraid because that dude was behind me, he was kinda cute , if I broke his nose he would of been cute >.>

He only spoke Spanish though (puff face)

Glad to have my old instructor back :D

Made a new friend she's nice.

I got rained on so hard D<
to the point my hair got messed up >.> from straight to whooshy D:

Finally get in the car
hell nervous
already doing bad things ;~; too hard with my seat, mirror , belt adjustments lol.

I thought I had fail o_o (always thinking negative)
I PASSED YO XD

I wanted to go dancing in the rain <3

Dude was working on a ponytail he had a long braid, oh m r when that boy's hair grows out o_o ¡aym! lol
Yeah ho yeah, it was just the hair >_> his hair texture was just like mine, he had the fluffy soft lol. I can see we both need moisture in our lives o:
I want that soft silk T_________T


I was working off of gatorade and water all día o.o
not a good diet XP

-Ren Montez <3

Did You ever feel like ******??

I know everyone has that time in their life where they feel why do I ever bother or try.

Wether it's caused by love, school, money or social it happens to the best of us unfortanately but hey, if we can make it through that tough time, it only makes us stronger beings.

I watched koishite akuma episode two. Some japanese drama I said i didn't care too much for, that episode was surprisingly pretty good.
The message was effed up though. They talked about the difference between a human life >> shiseikan <<< and a vampire's life.

We strive to live our fullest even knowing that in the end we will die.

So true, we attempt to live all the life we can before we are more, and that's exactly how we should live.
Pushing limits, going beyond the boundaries, excelling, spreading our wings, living everyday like it was our last.

In the end what will you believe? What will be your mark on this earth? Make it big make it honorable.
Just live your life and hold your head up, things are crappy now but remember, there's a tomorrow so there for there can be a better day ^_^;

-Ren Montez <3 p="">

Lover I Don't Have to Love - Bright Eyes

This song is crazy, I love the melody. I would listen to this without the lyrics if I could. I normally listen to this song when I'm feeling down and I feel that love is too damn pointless.
(Pardon if you don't like my music reviews but they do relate to my life, since I have some opinion on it :] )

The lyrics are deep and whatever. >>>
Here are a few lyrics from the song that made me say wow:
I want a lover I don't have to love I want a boy who's so drunk he doesn't talk, hey where's the kid with the chemicals....
I got a hundred and I can't seem to get far...

I got the money if you got the time he said it feels good and I'll give it a try ....
and my mind went dark...
I need some meaning I can memorize, The gotta have or seems to slip my mind...
You are such pretty words, but love's no story book, love's an excuse to get hurt and to hurt. Do you like to hurt? I do I do, then hurt me, then hurt me.

Well if I have any readers out there, I would love to hear your opinions every once in awhile ^^; (starting to feel as if I'm sounding desperate for a reply)

-Ren Montez <3

I had a dream

._____.
okgetngiotgeoj

I had a dream about Marco.. I know i know I know, what am I doing thinking about him.
DONT WORRY IT WAS STRICTLY FRIENDLY
trust meh

BHJBHEL belhs Dx
(just licked some ice cream soup that's been sitting for more than 10 minutes)

So I'm at a house or something
few other amigos are there
and I was just wondering if I should start dropping by in this area again.
So I saw next to Marco on this very very lavish sofa (i'm not exacertating)
I'm not just sitting next to him, i'm sitting close, REAL close, to the point s, I might as well be joint to him by the darn hip.

He looks at me awkwardly putting down his controller (yep, he was all on dat derr xboxi)
I rest my head on his shoulder then tilt upwards him in a bit of a sigh. "Marco do you miss me?"
"Oh course I miss you." he turns a bit and hugs me (that man, still gives amazing hugs, I felt this one in my dreams too, that's the type of stuff to put a smile on my face ^^; -entering kekeke mode- ) "Oh good, I wanted to know" I hug hug back. Then .. "You know I own a club, then there's one where I go to work at" the dream ends briefly after this..

Marco has a girlfriend and in my dream I wasn't even thinking dirty, I just always wanted to work on building a friendship with Marco but never really bothered to hop on that, I think maybe the next time I see him idkwthti that I will try to ask him a little something somethin


- Ren Montez <3

O.O

there was this big icky thingy was on the cieling and now it went poof D8

-panics- xD



that's what ur supposed to do when things disappear when they're not supposed to lol


-awkwardness- .___.
>_> -runs around in circles-

Mike Posner - Cheated

It's a good song all in all, yet in away a typical person feels like yeah the next time that happens Imma cheat on that hoe.
Nah nah nauh.

That's something that shouldn't be done, but I can understand where Posner is coming from, knowing that the one you loved wasn't all there for you.

Trust me, most of us want to cheat when we find are skank is nasty. (I included)

Yet that will not solve the problem and will only add on to your bad karma, you always want to have more good karma than bad.

Yep I'm a Roman Catholic and it goes against my religion but I still believe in certain things and it's not as if I twist my religion for something bad.

Do yourself a favor, someone's cheating on you click your heels and end that s, if you see it something worth working on go for it.

If you're thinking about cheating on someone dump them. This saves them from more pain.

If you already did it, fess up, because that s fucks with someone's self esteem no lie (haha, see I censored the word shit but not fuck lol)

How it messes with that person head?
1. They think love doesn't exist anymore
2. They think you're a liar
3. They feel unbeautiful
4. They feel unlovable
5. They feel used
6. They feel disgusted
7. They feel hurt

Out of my experiences I never felt 3 since I already had self esteem issues , I always felt a certain way about my appearance and heck, piece of s dudes I've dealt with they never called me beautiful the whole damn time we dated so SAD FACe lol.


Now back to Mike Posner lol, Gone In September this goes perfect with the tweet I made today.

He's a good dude but after all that bs he turned lol, now I hope he goes back to the good guy.



Fix you ok?


-Ren Montez <3

lloll

dISTRACTED XD

I apologize

Lately I've been slacking once more with the doing, I've been on the say lately, which is really unlike me.

I will post it

For a Loss

I dealt with it, covered it and I'm ok with it.

Just waiting to call things off

De Nuevo: A trip to an old place

In the CL with a few people I knew

 ^^^(How Gei, anything that gives me that erm ugh hhh blehhh >_< meh feeling lol ) I don't like this picture, it's not flattering but I've been very harass on things involving me,anyway thanks Tom (Thomas) for taking it.

Today I dropped by my old stopping grounds
Checking in was a fail my phone glitched hardcore on me

I was sad facing about it -3-

No Jelani, No Tevin , No Mitch and No Glenn
-sigh-
but there was a dude I thought  was Glenn lol

First enterance was the library sighing and trying next stop was a wrap around to the den

which was empty.. so to the ARTS! building
West Min (Minsiter)

Saw Zumi she was working on a project it looked good so far, then I went back to the den
Finally some peoples yah!

Spent a lot of time roaming around with Michael

Highlight: Polo
Loved his hair , felt like a kid in a candy store *-*
IT WAS SPIKY D;
then it was alll zig zaggy and
IT WAS JUST TOTAL BADASS D<
He looked like one of them thai warriors or something xD

Played Sonic II <3
Freakin Casion level pissed me off
I played pool twice lost the first time
then one the second time

then again I played another time >_>

Nut he doesn't like me so I forgot cuz I was too busy laughing about the reason why he don't like me xD

I reestablished some connections :] networking yo
Felt good doing that now all I gotta do is get my work done

Didn't see Adam again ): It was weird in away since he said he would be back in west min but when i went back i didn't see him o-O

I tried going again but still didn't T-T

Saw Tink (Tinkerbell lol) Nails and Shatiek(ei)

Nails's new skateboard is so awesome it has a Raq on it with the words Hubba underneath, then on the under belly there's a rainbow swirling unicorn

Shateik gave me a magnetic clip :3 he won in the daily game of thursday.
We laughed about smokes Devion (he's a director who is quite amazing, if you need something done he will get it done for you) and weed but there was no weed lol

Me: Are you smoking without me?
Nails: Yes, I am, this is the best weed in your life that you will neva get.
Funny because in the end he said these cigarettes sucked and I pretty much thought they did
They looked flimsy.

Back to Devion when they told me he can get anything done for me I thought uhhh.... o_O ¿Asesino? we laughed some more

Devion - But it depends on how much I like you.

Then I thought to myself >_> well I'm a likeable person so that should be easy, later we just discussed how My Alias/Nickname was better than my birthname c:

After that I went back to the den

which was pool table being hogged by pairs pool somewhat had a partner than i just said CUSS it  -_-

ended upstairs which was Sims 3 and Super streeet fighter 4 lost my turn at that -3-
Almost whipped on Javi but I held back , gonna act like he don't know me and such psh
Lingstu reintroduced me xD
then they kvetched about me not being around o.o

Anthony was the first person I saw was good to talk to him

Asked Lingtsu about José :c he hasn't seen him around
before that he said he saw my profile lol
I asked him what was he doing on there
he said he was just browsing around

Funny him & anthony xD
I noticed Anthony's last name is the same as my son's first name

I miss that boy ):
The rain kinda ruined my plans
I felt insecure since my boobs got bigger
and they were gonna be like really out there lol


Saw Miguel he was shooting though, wanted to wait to say hello so I just watched him play
He ended up greeting me first while angling his shot and right after that he missed o-o
That's why I wanted to wait


I almost sat on Nick's lap x_x (would of been being bad)
Breaking out of old habits is hard lol
First things I thought when he said sit on my lap: 1. He might have a boner 2. He or I might enjoy that 3. NO NO NO STOP! BAD REN!
Yet to be honest, I was thinking about sitting on his lap or under him when He was there (before he asked me) simply because it's comfortable lol kekeke  (creature of habit) but then decided it would be inappropriate and not so friendly

can't wait to go to the mall next week <3

Went for a china run (china town aka chinese food)
Went to two different places they both didn't have what I want
S o I went to C Town instead singing Along with Royce

Corazon sin cara Heart without face but they translate it as a heart doesn't have a face

Which reminds me I needto get back to Pathmark, Bolthouse Farms was 5/10
I don't need that but protien is good for me!
That's probably how my boobs got biggeer lmao
Best protein I ever had <3

The plantanos were 4/2 I got 2/1 instead.
As well as Ginseng Ups, which are drinks with Ginseng they taste so good
Ginseng Up Iced Peach tea is my favorite one of the 9-12 flavors I believe.

they went up 10c were 89c before. In all the chinese food was pricey and didn't taste the same (that's what they said)
that's why I didn't want any instead I made myself a grilled cheese sandwich and an omelet (haven't had an omelet in years, YEM)

They might even been the reason why my boobs got biggers (i like that typo, I'll keep it ;D ) lol
What the freak with my body temperature
as soon as I got back I felt so weird

My leg is cold now T.T

and it's just the left front calf lol
my other parts are freaking hot, I might have caught a little cold today from the rain -3-
BUMMA

I was thinking about Wendy's all day it was good to sse Louis
There are new chicken sandwiches at Wendy's , I must try them XD

Then I found out they went and I was all AWW MAN -___- you didn't get me anything? lol
Burger king sucks compared to Wendy's lol.

Talked a lot about cars racism stupid people sexism film music pool life games and work today.
That wasn;t just with a few people, it was with just about everyone which was crazy.

I hope to go to Wendy's for that sandwich tomorrow T-T
(being a fatty fatty 2x4)

My stomach is so flat D: but i have a big butt and hopefully (soon!,¡pronto!) big boobs to match xD lol
For some reason I always wanted a body like that T,T Or small butt (no booty) big boobs no stomach >_>
just how i think at times lol, like i like certain things about mans xD

Today was a very good day besides the headaches x_x

Went home happy

The picture ^^^(all the way up there) I didn't feel in the mood for picture taking with people lol but hey I made it work yo ;D

Friendship

Ugh, no matter what you do, it's like a romantic relationship but sometimes you don't mind going back to it, I'm so tired :/ I shouldn't bother anyone anymore, if I'm hurt, I'll just let our relationship fade away naturally ):

I've been hurt with guys in a romantic way and I've been hurt in a non romantic way by guys and gals, I don't have to deal with this anymore, I have too much going on in my life to try to keep doing this, pain is not good for me, it takes a drain in more ways than one, adieu.

I don't like talking on the internet! \(TOT)/

I was feeling really heated then i went to check my messages from a long time and I felt like he totally overlooked me, even though he might have not meant to do so T_T
It hurt me deeply

HOW COULD YOU MAN AHHHHHH -crying like a little preschooler-


;~; oh well, I should let it be as it is distant  (needs to stop misreading things)
but that's the reason why I prefer talking on the phone or in person D:

T,T -wipes eyes-


Bad enough I read the rest of that crappy good book ;_;

Imma go be immature now Dx

Long Time No Talk: Keep In Touch Mi Amigo Countinued

I did get a reply so yah!
tease my friend a little bit XP
I want to get some new books, Spanish Japanese and Korean D:

True blood was wow, so tragic, glad that Debbie is FINALLY DEAD
GOO SOOK FOR GROWING SOME BALLS GIRL!

Speaking of which I need to see if Mister Mata has said anything back to me >_<


R.I.P. Jesus :'(
My Favorite (G)LBT couple T____T

He gave all his power and Marty killed him ):
IF only she could die second time ¬¬
lol

He loved Lafeyette so much T^T
That made me so sad

prettyfetish ♔ Ren D Ribbons

#Trueblood Quote of the Season. "Baby, You're a Median and I'm dead, I'll always be with you..." - Jesus

kinda like sad that Tara is dead :/ she was finallly acting ok again and she gets killed off.

Hey Rene ;D I was so happy to see his smexy self back on the screen lol

He warned what's her face, about Terry's crazy arse, I knew he was crazy as soon as he saw his old mate, he started looking scary ;_;

I give a big applaud to the cast and crew of this season you guys did an amazing job o-o

Eric boo, I feel your pain, she just shot you down like that lol, Had you hecka happy then I can't be with neither of yall

I hope she hooks up with L.C. I've been wanting to see that since last season <3

 My Favorite Cast Memebers of True Blood:

Kevin Alejandro as Jesus Velasquez
J.D. Mata as Tio Luca
Nathan Ellis as Lafayette Reynolds
Anna Paquin as Sookie Stackhouse
Lois Smith as Adele Stackhouse (Grams)
Alexander Skarsgard as Eric Northman ( awww)
Paola Turbay as Antonia ( felt sorry for her)
Ryan Kwaten as Jason Stackhouse
Joe Manganiello as Alcide Herveaux
Jim Parrack as Hoyt Fortenberry (bitchy though)
Carrie Preston as Arlene Fowler ( I finally liked her for once lol)
Deborah Ann Woll as Jessica Hamby ( You were bad but loved it lol)
Lauren Bowles as Holly Cleary  (Fabulous)
Dan Buran Marcus Bozeman (hey, i thought he was sexy yet bleh)
Chris Bauer as Andy Bellefleur (You Go Chris, you're looking better)


P.s. that sick pastor or whatever is back as a vamp! wth Dx he should of commited suicide lol  , jessica save jason ):

Long Time No Talk : Keep in Touch mi amigo

Wow, it's crazy how things changed, how time passed us by seems like facebook is the only way to keep in touch with my with my friends nowadays. It felt good to hear from Ramón I really missed him. I just hope to hear back from Adam,and all my other old running gang, my heart raced a bit but we're all good, nothing I can do and I'm happy for them, happy for them all. I just want them to be well.


Hoping that one day, I can be just as well as them or at least something close to it.

I believe last week, I made a new facebook to seperate the real from the fake, Out of 600 people only 80 were real to mean, that's less than 20% in case you haven't noticed, I hope to get back into storage to get my old college books as well, keeping in touch is so important.


I missed you, often when I say it, it's from the bottom of my heart. I say this to my friends, those of which I care deeply for, just sitting here now, with my friends Arooj and Kaushal.

Thinking of that time of the past back then.

All I can really say is wow. Vince and all the others, pain and hardships Texans, (i have to go wee, really bad and true blood is about to come on lol) ...

to be continued shortly after true blood ^^;....

My only edit to this is, that I couldn't log in quickly enough to post lol, so I ended up waiting WAYYYY after true blood yet, I still have another post to make :P

Nice :]

I like the new layout go google, I see you're stepping your game up ;D Time I do the same jajjaaja pero con mi español I have :]

I don't remember how to say that probably Yo tiene lol.

I have a lot of pictures to upload as well currently atm I'm hungry and browsing for domokun gloomy bear and pokemon stuff animals ;_;

3 Days of Trouble (Late Post)

started lightly then ended bleh
missed true blood three times -.-

The first day it was ok rain D:
then the night of it was heavy the power went out around 3am ;A;
and because I was scared , (of una araña) I didn't charge my phone or laptop -______-

So there was no studying done for me or nothing ;_;

Which in hand led me to reading all of the books i rented from the library or at least until I ran out of day light

The power was supposed to be back on by 9 ha! not at all -__-

But Saturday Sunday is a blur to me anyway rofl


xD power comes back on at 5am sunday wooo

but still trying to get into Hbo Go was a pain
Now I know what I need to get in to it but it's still useless to me :/

True Blood is the only show I knowingly Like from Hbo

Though I did catch the reruns on Monday <3 yahs!

At least something decides to work around here